My spouse has a deep and preoccupying hatred for suburbs. I learned this recently as we walked through one. I pressed her with questions about her disdain and she became increasingly agitated.

“They all look the same. The houses are ugly. Look at that fake brick facade. It’s made of plastic,” she scoffed. I looked at it, and realized, she had a point.

For context, we’re considering owning a new home in the coming year or two. The idea of a suburb does appeal to me — namely because you get more square footage for less money. And, having worked in construction, I know the building process is standardized and less prone to defects. Also, suburbs are quieter and feel safer.

After I elaborated on these points, she retorted, “Yes, but then you have to live in a suburb.”

And in fairness, suburbs carry many flaws. Namely, they’re quite damaging to the environment, eating up large swaths of land and giving off 400% more carbon emissions than alternatives. This mainly happens because suburbs are further from businesses and jobs, resulting in more driving. Even when your suburb is near a business, zoning requirements often result in dividing walls between you and that next-door establishment, which would have otherwise been a walkable trek for a quick bag of groceries.

And then there’s the mass use of pesticides that these communities require, which has enormous consequences for wildlife, and namely, a huge impact on biodiversity. This is exacerbated by the hasty permitting process in many states, which give little consideration to these consequences.

Even further, suburbs can be bad for community. There are few shared areas to spend time together, also called, third places, where you convene and get to know your neighbors. Suburbia tends to offer a veneer of community, with confusing and winding roads of homes that can leave you lost in your own neighborhood.

The design issue

Then there’s the problem of character. Suburbs can feel completely gutted and devoid of flavor, individuality, and architecture you look for in a home.

The anthropologist Marc Auge went so far as to call them “non-places”, saying they are interchangeable and totally impersonal, little more than shopping malls, meant to import and export people as quickly, efficiently, and easily as possible.

Critics argue there’s a general malaise to suburbs, where people are bored, and passing time until their next shift at work, or the next birth and painful obligation to family matters. Children are contained on cement cul-de-sacs, stopped from exploring nature and the world beyond by a cement wall.

Per Rachel Heiman, professor of anthropology at the New School, and author of Driving After Class, “We can’t just keep building our suburbs the way we are, even if some people are nostalgic for that.”

Suburbs heighten our dependence on cars, and encourage us to invest less in public transportation, which skews safer and promotes community. Even further, suburban living increases inactivity and is detrimental to mental and physical health.

The good that comes with it

Despite the long-standing, and sometimes elitist criticisms of suburbs, there’s still lots of meaningful living happening within them.

I grew up in several suburbs myself. And as a child, we never thought about urbanization, sustainability, or other high minded subjects. Our neighborhood was measured by where the other kids were, and who was fun to play with. My cement driveway doubled as a landing pad for my toy airplanes. The grass became courts for various games that involved endless chasing. These experiences sufficed just fine and still live as a source of nostalgia.

One could argue many of the criticisms of suburbs have died in recent years. For example, they are more diverse than ever. In 1990, suburbs had only 20% people of color. Today, that number is 45% and increasing.

Yes, suburbs offer some level of peace that you won’t attain in an urban environment. If the general pulse of a city, passing cars, conversation below your window are a distraction or source of negativity, a suburb is largely an escape from that — but is no promise of good neighbors.

I know that when I lived in downtown DC, there was no such thing as a quiet day. I loved living there. But stepping outside everyday truly felt like being thrown into the concrete jungle. It isn’t for everyone.

Would I have had a more enriched childhood if I’d grown up with more public parks and shared spaces in my immediate vicinity? With the dense cultural immersion an urban environment offers? Perhaps.

Having lived in so many states, and abroad as a child, moving relentlessly for my father’s military career, I learned that each place is as hospitable as you make it. The thing that truly separated each city was the quality of the friendships and people I met.

If I had great people I could connect with, love, and trust, then I could be happy in any hellacious setting.

Yes, suburbs are problematic. But you can’t undo that you grew up in one. And it isn’t wrong that you remember those days fondly. I remember Merritt Square Mall, and even the 7–11 we went to on the way home from swim practice everyday, before entering our bland, suburban neighborhood.

In fact, nostalgia can be an agent for progress. Research shows that we are inextricably tied to the past, with a concept called self-continuity. The past becomes an anchor by which we measure progress. We can look back and appreciate all the good that it came with, while also not wanting to reinstate all of the bad that accompanied it.

The takeaway

Think carefully about where you want to live. Some cities and states are more responsible than others.

Just as one example, Oregon is using fantastic and innovative zoning laws which reduce urban and suburban sprawl, and allow for more high density housing, and more farming land to continue alongside wildlife. Consider high density housing, as it allows for lower carbon footprints, shared public transit, and easy means of finding community.

The fact remains that COVID-19 pushed masses of people into the suburbs, which now account for 50% of America’s residential carbon emissions.

If you must live in a suburban area, consider taking on a few habits to offset this. Consider embracing solar power. I saw a few in a suburb recently, lining the roofs of a home and they looked awesome, and tasteful. Suburbs generally have much less tree cover, which allows for an easy opportunity to farm the sun for natural energy.

Don’t be afraid to let your grass grow out a little. Mowing less often is fantastic for bee pollen, and they need more help than ever. Here in Florida, we have a “No Mow March” where we let lawns grow out for the spring harvest with bees. Additionally, the mere act of having your own garden can be fantastic for the environment and boosts biodiversity.

Community matters. The homes we choose to live in have a huge impact on the greater world around you. Think long and hard before choosing a suburb. They aren’t evil. But they are problematic.