On any given day, you might see me at our large local gym, which is filled with stylish single 20 to 30 somethings. They often peacock around like they’re on the catwalk, rocking their scanty brightly colored outfits. Some men strut about, making sure to look cool and uncaring, while casually darting their eyes at women.

Others mill about discussing football and baseball. You may spot a girl doing booty squats in front of a cell phone camera mounted on a tripod.

And then you’ll see me with full bedhead, wearing my schlubby outfit, streaming competitive StarCraft (a video game) on my recumbent bike monitor. I have no shame. I do not hide this nerdy hobby of mine. My spouse rather likes this, and knows I’m being myself, and that she’d never has to worry about me picking up women at the gym.

You see — all my life I’ve been an outsider. It’s all I know. And it isn’t half bad. Yet many of you hide and run away from this life. Embracing life as an outsider could bring you tremendous growth and satisfaction.

The upside of being the odd one out

Researchers have long studied outsiders — such as immigrants, refugees, and traveling students to see the long-term effects on their happiness and career success.

In particular, their most interesting work was on Third Culture Kids — those who grew up outside of the culture their parents grew up in. This doesn’t just include first generation immigrants. It includes those who grew up in missionary or military families (like myself), or in radically different portions of a country than their parents.

The experience is one of biculturalism, where you find yourself stuck between two very different worlds, looking to adapt.

In my case, it was many worlds: I moved 13 times in the first 18 years of my life, including going to three high schools. Quite often, I found myself trying to navigate clicky and established social groups in unfamiliar lands, where even the squirrels looked different.

Notably, I went to a conservative small private high school in North Carolina. Then, to Coronado High School where I saw same-sex couples holding hands in the hallways and kids with dyed pink hair carrying skateboards to their lockers. And even though I didn’t fit in or understand their humor or mannerisms, I had no choice but to adapt. I shook this new discordant reality until some semblance of normalcy came tumbling out.

And despite the shock and discomfort this entailed, this experience changed me — and made me more open-minded and empathetic. I was reminded not to become culturally married to the status quo.

Research reflects the benefits of this adaptive process. In a 2018 study in the Journal of Cross-Cultural Psychology, Third Culture Kids grew up and became happier and more resilient than their peers who tended to grow up in isolated areas with similar people.

But even beyond childhood, the exercise of acculturation (adapting to new surroundings) is shown to reduce depression, anxiety, and stress — in the long term.

In the short term, it means discomfort — as anyone who has studied abroad or immigrated to a new country understands. My first month in a new city was always the worst, as I saw people staring at me and wondering who I was. But I always learned something about them and myself.

One of the unifying lessons on my journey was that confidence, kindness, and humor could take you a long way with just about any crowd. If you carried yourself well and knew how to make someone laugh, they wouldn’t have much choice but to like you. It didn’t matter how different you looked or sounded. You were in.

What else can you learn from being an outsider? Here are three strategies to channel like a Third Culture Kid.

1. Embrace the initial discomfort

What was always interesting was that — as an outsider, I was able to see new communities in a way that even they couldn’t. You come in free from their biases and group-think, and can assess new situations in ways they couldn’t. And sometimes, those communities expose your own biases in helpful ways.

I attended a birthday in the Philippines as a kid and was shocked to see a pig sprawled out on a table with an apple in its mouth. This might seem uncouth to someone from the outside, but to them it was a celebration of life and thriving.

We eat just as much meat in America, but just choose to look away from how it gets to our tables.

Those experiences brought me closer to the Earth, and more willing to accept that how people live, no matter how radical, emerges through their shared experiences and cultural values. It isn’t inherently wrong because we don’t get it.

Which is why you should embrace that initial discomfort. Let it expose your biases. Let it cauterize your unfair sensitivities and heighten your empathy and understanding.

There’s a subjective experience and wisdom you can extract from seeing something entirely unusual. It invites so many questions: Why do they live like this? How does it impact them? How did these rituals emerge?

It invites you to challenge your assumptions.

2. Embrace a few fellow outsiders

As a new kid, I sometimes found solace when I saw other military kids in the school. They became a natural group to hang out with, who understood the challenges we faced.

I suspect many of us have felt different from the masses in one time or another. Finding kindred spirits can help revel in this life.

For example, many of you reading this are likely writers. That isn’t a common profession by most standards, and is grounds for connecting with other writers in your community.

I can have nothing else in common with a person, but if they write — I can talk to them for hours on end about our processes. There are many fellow outsiders looking for a home. All you need is a shared passion and a willingness to connect.

3. Be a willful outsider

As a writer, I spend much of my time on my own at my house working on projects. It’s deceptively easy to get locked into this routine, going to the same places each week, eating the same food.

This is why I intentionally travel abroad and take road trips on a regular basis. If this isn’t budget-friendly, you can also just go to new places and crowds of people locally.

If you are terrible at art, take an art class and spend time with artists. If sports aren’t your thing, go to a raucous stadium event for the first time and immerse yourself in the energy and crowd. Resist your urge to hate it immediately.

Think of the 180 of what you’d usually do, and then do it — and you will channel yourself as an outsider, and live as a Third Culture Kid. You never know what might come of it.

My spouse moved to Florida on a whim from upstate New York, not knowing what would happen. There couldn’t have been much more of a cultural difference. But on that journey, she met me, and I’d like to think that was a welcome surprise as an outsider.

Final Words

We know that acculturation can be healthy, reducing depression, anxiety, and stress in the long term. It can also bring joy to our lives.

I invite you to break out of our cocoons of normalcy, live free, and challenge our status quo — by putting ourselves near people who are radically different. This will expedite the acculturation process into normalcy.

The mysterious land beyond your comfort zone is one where growth awaits, and where your empathy, knowledge and understanding will have no choice but to expand.

A little culture shock every now and then can do you some good. Embrace the outsider. Embrace the kindred spirit. An open heart and mind has room for both.