Every year on Valentine’s Day in Kenya, there is a conference where all men are invited and women are banned.

Not the most romantic idea, it is sold as a day for the male gender to have fun and be advised on the ways of men, away from the pressure that comes with having to demonstrate their love for their female partners.

There might even be alcohol and grilled meat on offer.

Except that in most cases, the men’s conference is imaginary.

That’s because most of the events described above only happen on social media. It might not look that way to anyone unaccustomed to the uniquely Kenyan event that has been “organised” for a number of years.

An outsider could easily be convinced that it’s a real event given the posters that dominate social media conversations before Valentine’s and on the actual day.

Often, there will be posters indicating where the conference will be held and photos that seem to depict ongoing preparations and others purporting to show the event.

One which has been widely shared is a video depicting a group of men inside a plane, with a voiceover saying they are going for the men’s conference.

“We’ll be back on 15 February, that’s the earliest flight we can catch back,” the man says, making it obvious they won’t be around for Valentine’s to perhaps buy roses and spend time with their partners.

It is framed as an event where men are taught to be free and independent in whatever they do – but mostly regarding their relationships.

It is praised by some, but some see the entire conversation as sinister, saying it promotes misogyny in what is already a very patriarchal society.

Charles Kinyua, a businessman, tells the BBC that the concept of the men’s conference is welcome.

He says it is a relief for men because “on a day like today, the expectations for men” from their partners are “unrealistic”.

Men are always under pressure on Valentine’s Day to shower gifts on their women, he says, and expectations are so high that in many cases, “nothing you do will be satisfactory”.

The “myth” of the men’s conference, as he calls it, gives the men some relief by “advocating for the boy child’s freedom and courage to feel less oppressed”.

Only in this case perhaps it might be more comic relief.

The leaders of the so-called men’s conference have been polygamists – seen by some as people who go against the grain, against societal pressures, to do what they want to do.

Just before Valentine’s Day, the self-proclaimed chairman of the men’s conference, Stephen Letoo, who works as reporter for local station Citizen TV, shared an advisory directing “all women to pack their husbands’ bags in full” for the conference and to expect them home on Sunday at the earliest.

Unlike past years where the conference has been entirely non-existent physically, for the past two years, actual events have been organised in the capital, Nairobi for men to share advice.

But it’s often difficult to tell what’s true and what’s not, for some of the speakers are imaginary – especially those shared on social media.

Whether real or not, women’s rights activist Edita Achieng believes forums such as the men’s conference, where men can share advice, are a good thing.

She says it can allow men to be “vulnerable” and to mentor boys, especially because “boys do not grow with good role models”. But such meetings, she says, should not happen just on Valentine’s Day.

She says in a patriarchal society, the conference can be “a way to change that narrative, to build a man that fits in the society and do away with things like gender roles,” she tells the BBC.

But another women rights activist, Achieng Ayot, disagrees.

She says the idea of the conference is about giving men tools “not to allow themselves to be controlled and a way to promote a man’s world” which is linked to “misogyny when women do not agree to conform to the set-ups in the society”.

She says the conference stems “from the concept that women are the consumers of Valentine’s Day, that they are loved and gifted”.

“Why would you take one of the couple to attend a function [and]… not allow the other to attend, yet the day is about love?” she asks.

It’s a question that might be worth pondering, but which the organisers and participants in the men’s conference, whether real or not, might not be too keen to consider.

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